Growth

Wow its been FOREVER since I've even looked at my blog. I have been so behind on blogs and blogging in general for so long that it's a bit overwhelming! I have so much to catch up on that I need to document that it will probably take several posts to get caught up. So here is a start.

So many thoughts and events I have wanted to blog about. I'm sure I've forgotten much of them. I am still in slight shock that summer is over. It felt like it just began! But its also good to get back into real life with a real schedule. Not to mention its nice having Tanner in school all-day as a new 1st grader. He seems to really love it so far - he gets to have 2 recesses and lunch recess so what's not to like? Thats mostly what I can get out of him. But he really seems to love his new teacher Miss Red Thunder - yes she is Native American. Kinda cool. I do miss his occasional help at home and Benj really misses him, but it will get better when Benj starts preschool after Labor Day. Is it bad to say that I'm counting down the days and hours until he starts preschool? Yeah a little different from last year. He REALLY needs to get out and I need him to get out and have some fun - without me.

My children really throw me for a loop most days. I feel like its been a learning experience with the three of them all summer. And actually quite a challenge. YES three children are quite difficult. Its almost impossible to get anything done with them. I'm just lucky I have such a great husband who is a great help whenever he gets a chance.:) That way the house doesn't completely fall apart. But almost. Everyone always says that three is the hardest number of children to adjust to and I agree so far I guess. But I really think Benj makes it a whole lot harder. If he were a normal 4 year old I can't imagine my life would be as stressful. But I guess it wouldn't be as interesting either now would it?

I've had so many thoughts about motherhood and the importance of being a mother for the past few months that I have not really shared. Maybe they'll come back to me so I can share at times. I am able to find such joy and satisfaction in my children and in the fact that they really need me and the fact that although quite mundane at times, the job and work I am doing with them is so important. They amaze me and I don't often feel worthy and up to the task of raising them in the way that I wish and hope to. I am trying to be deliberate and thoughtful in what I do with them and trying to teach them and be a good example. Its really frustrating though how often I fail and feel completely not capable of the tasks required of me. If only I were organized or more energetic or a better example or more everything right? Its so easy to wish and feel like I need to be so much more than I am. At least I know that I can only do my best but boy howdy I know there is no way I could come even close without the help of a loving Heavenly Father. There is so much I wish I could do better and be better at. There are so many nights where I lie in bed and wonder if I was able to show my children how much I love them during the day. Did I tell them? Did I hug and kiss them enough? Did I spend enough time with each one of them and tell them how wonderful they are? (Because really most days, by the time it is bedtime more often than not lately I find myself just doing what I can in the quickest way possible to get them in bed fast and be alone with my husband. Its probably not the most lovingly process most days either.) Oh man, its fun. Everyday is new right?

So in looking at pictures I was amazed to discover that it appears all of my children have grown so much in the past couple months. Especially Jameson of course. Not fair! (more on that later. . . .)

They have gone from this at Tanner's Kindergarten graduation at the end of May -

And Jameson just barely getting to lifting his head off the floor. . . (oh and a big brother that doesn't attack and hurt baby brother at any open moment and opportunity he gets. Gggrrrrr)

And this filthy little boy - he just looks so much smaller in this picture to me. I can't believe he's already grown taller since then! I swear this was in June before we had real summer.

And look how much younger they look in this picture too. . . .

To this chunka lunka. And just too darned cute that I just want to eat him up!!! Ya know the feeling?

And this. How did this happen? What kind of world are our kids growing up in? Crazy I say.

To this. He's really getting tall. You just rarely get to see his height.

And this. Skinny, but such a big boy. Looks so old to me these days.

Anyway point is I was slightly shocked to look through pictures today and find that my kids have grown so much! Tanner and Benjamin have both grown taller and Jameson has just grown - huge.

Jameson's growth of course is frustrating me. He is just growing too darned fast! I knew this would be an eye opening experience after Benjamin but wow. Its really not fair. You forget how fast kids really grow and develop. Everyday I can just feel Jameson's frustration that he isn't running around yet and getting into everything. His little body just buzzes with anticipation of his too-soon-to-come freedom of which I absolutely fear. That was the benefit of Benj I guess. I never had to go through that stage of getting into everything and doing everything to keep the child alive. But believe me still, it is better that way. Believe me. Be grateful even when they are driving you crazy.

Benjamin has become quite the behavior problem actually. Surprised? Yeah he lost his throne when Jams came into the picture and has lots of jealousy issues. He loves little Jams so much but man he loves to get my attention and horrible reactions when he is mean to and/or hurts his baby brother. Its fun.

Tanner just was so ready and excited for 1st grade! (Besides the loss of long summer days playing with friends) Unfortunately I don't have a really recent picture of Tan to show how he's grown. Somehow I forgot to take first day of school pictures. But he looks bigger to me everyday. Smart, busy kid. Having fun.

So anyway, goodbye fun times with cousins. . .

Goodbye hundreds of toads caught everyday. (Oh wait, they are still caught. Everyday.)

Goodbye more cousin fun with grandpa. . . .

Goodbye Parades. . . .

Oh, and goodbye twenties. Sniff sniff. This was hard for me for some reason. Man alive have I aged. I blame it on my kids. (Some peeps celebrating with me at Los Hermanos btw)

Goodbye summer 2011! It has been fast and fun! Those were just a snippet of our summer and tons more blogging to do!